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He has made it clear to me that he can not save the world. And won't do any thing til I come out here with my ass torn up with sperm in it. In Max.

The process of turning someone into a punk is called "turning out. Maximum security inmates often just don't "give a shit," because they have so little to lose; for them, rape is often a "win-win" situation, with no real down-side, since "hole time" simply means some extended privacy, and quiet time.

This is where one guy will thump a "fish" new arrival , and another one will step in, stop the fight, and offer to protect the fish. Usually, the aggressor and "savior" are good friends.

Fish who have no means of paying the protection fees are generally talked into "turning out. I can't stop thinking about it.

I feel everyone is looking at me in a sexual way. I had to fight 4 different inmates back to back.

I can not fight real good. I have a bad left leg. My cellie allowed this to happen. At rack time, my cellie and I fought. He is lbs and muscled.

A stocky inmate that is known to fight 2 or more at one time and win. He knocked me out and I came to while he was sexually assaulting me anally.

He told me if I told anyone he would kill me. I was moved to another pod, where I was sold as a piece of meat. I was sold to the highest bidder by the white inmates.

I was sold to a black inmate named Gray Top. From February to the end of April I was forced to perform all types of sexual acts.

I was rented out to other black inmates. I finally went to staff and refused to go back to my cell.

The indangerment paperwork was filed. Classification was ran and I was put in safekeeping for 2 years. I was shipped to another unit from Colfield unit on July 14, I was housed in closed custody where I was the only white inmate on my wing out of 48 inmates!

I was in 13 fights in 14 days. I was sexually assaulted by 4 inmates black. I went to staff. I was shipped to the Mark W. Stiles unit. I refused to go to my housing assignment due to I was being put back into a life threatening condition.

So I started to threaten the first black inmate I came into contact with. I was put in prehearing detention. That's September 15, I started possessing a weapon and threatening black inmates.

That was the only way staff officials would keep me locked up in a single cell. He lacks power and decides to steal it from others through assault.

In my observation, the more oppressive the system the higher the incidents of assaultive behavior in general. This had been evident over the years here as we fell under the control of various wardens with a variety of concepts of how to treat prisoners and staff.

Fair and objective treatment seems to create a less-assaultive environment. The victims I'm familiar with seem to have one thing in common, they each had some quality or trait that was interpreted by their rapists as saying, "I am vulnerable.

These include passivity, being slight of stature, and probably most common, being young. Conversely, a person who demonstrates aggressive qualities, or confidence and self assurance is not attractive to the perpetrator.

One thing I hear people tell a young guy is to "get some ugly on him. The reality however, is that funding for prison administration doesn't provide for adequate patrolling.

Prisoners are pretty much left on their own. Case in point: One of the victims I know was raped at knife point by his cell partner the third night after his arrival at the prison.

The next morning he stayed in bed until the rapist left, then he used the toilet, showered, and reported the rape to his counselor.

She notified the watch commander and sent the victim to medical. They informed him that there was nothing they could do since the evidence was eliminateed by using the toilet and showering.

The watch commander locked him up in protective custody ostensibly to keep him safe while they conducted an investigation. He stayed in there for weeks with no communication about the investigation or when it would be safe for him to return to population.

He finally chose to forego further "protective custody" and return to population. He learned that except for a brief shakedown of the rapist's cell they wanted the knife but it was hidden the first morning after nothing else had been done.

There was nothing ever said of any investigation or any results. The rapist was free all the time the victim was locked up and continued to be.

This seems to be the pattern when reporting rapes except that often the victim is transferred to another prison. The Blacks have there own benches and the Mexicans have theres and the Whites if there are enough to fight for one has theres.

And if a white went to sit on a Black bench he would be jumped on ditto for blacks and Mexicans. Even in celling assignments the whites will refuse to live with a colored or a mexican because there cellie who has friends will steel there stuff or they will jump on the white dude so they refuse to live with them.

And if a white dude kicks it or talks to blacks or mexicans a lot of the whites will run court on him court means an ass whoppin. Its the same for blacks and mexicans.

The whites hate the Blacks and Mexicans because those two races have a lot of people in here and take advantage of us by making the small and week ones ride or turn them out, and the big ones have to fight all the time.

If you come in here as a non-racial white man and you fight for your proporty more than likely when you leave you'll be a full fledge KKK member!

There are a lot of racial groups here and with the way the whites get treated, they get mixed up in those groups and become haters. Prison is the best recruiting ground the white power movement has!

So a lot of hard core convicts want to go over and sometimes they do make it. If you ask any guard the close custody safe keeping wing is more violent than the regular one is.

I ask the question [is it] bad luck, good luck or a set up that the prison system in the U. When individuals come to prison, they know that the first thing that they will have to do is fight.

Now there are individuals that are from a certain race that the majority of them are not physically equip to fight. So they are the majority that are force to engage in sexual acts.

A prisoner that is engaging in sexual acts, not by force, is still a victim of rape because I know that deep inside this prisoner do not want to do the things that he is doing but he thinks that it is the only way that he can survive.

About two or three Mexicans pushed me in to a cell and started slapping me and threatend to brutally beat me up if I didnt do what they said or if I snictched.

They keep moving me to diffent pods. But as they call it here in prision these prisioners seem to have put a jacket on me that seems to follow me from prision to prision.

And so what happend to me they first time has seemed to follow me from pod to pod or prision to prision. And soon it spead that dude is a turn-out.

So then I got shipped to Hughe's unit and at that unit there were some Guy's there from McNoll and they word got out that I was a Pushover.

So mam the same thing happend there Guy's would come up to me and say your going to be with me so if anyone ask you who you with say your with me.

In the interest of getting my own abuse to stop, and being extremely selfish, concerned with my own survival I can name three guys I personally coerced into sexual relations.

Not with me, but with my own man to stop the abuse I was receiving from him. Selfish I know but my first concern is my own well-being.

It's that kind of world in here. I am thin in built. My race is Native American. I am not a gay person. I am also a very quiet and shy person.

I also don't like being around people that much. The inmate who assaulted me. Sometimes I fell that it was my fault and it drives me crazy to think about it.

I am mostly scared of what I might do when I get out of here. Very Suicidal - I just mean that I wish that I was dead at times and most of the times.

They are afraid of retaliation from both the inmates, and the prison system. As far as crimes that don't fit it, usually are rapist, molesters, there looked upon with disdain and often find it rather hard to survive, once it's clearly established that they wasn't falsely accused, this has been a big problem.

The relationship between a so-called Queen, and Man, are basically the same relationship between a male and a female, relations on the street.

The Queens are majority practicing homos, so just picture normal male-female relations on the street, remember the whole objective is to make it as realistic as possible, that why homos try and look like women.

A queen is an inmate acts like a woman. She wears make-up smuggled into the facility, or made by crushing up colored pencils etc. To "turn-out" someone is to either get them to consent to sex, or to rape them.

He is called a "boy. The power structure here is based on strength, reputation, and sheer extreme violence. If your a tough convict and will poke an eye out or stab someone on the drop of a hat then you won't be bothered unless you owe drug money or something.

Then the gangs will step in and its difficult to battle 10 guys at a time. The gang situation is ugly and out of hand.

Mainly its the nazis and the black disciples. If you have drugs and connections meaning "back-up," then your pretty powerful. And the ones who sell the dope usually run with the gangs.

But here in maximum, as I stated above, it comes down to raw brutality. The kid who just comes to prison, who is not willing to fight back is the unfortunate victim of rape.

A lot of times when a kid is raped he is told not to "snitch" or "else. Then he is brainwashed-exploited-turned out. He becomes a punk, a boy, someones property, and becomes just another silent victim.

This cycle must be broken. This includes those prisoners who are serving life sentences and life without possibility of parole, as well as the older prisoners who have spent a majority of life in prison.

Their power comes from respect; they are the most respected, thus are the most influencial. They have the most experience in prison life and usually don't have too much to lose as a consequence for their actions.

So they are also the most feared because they are more likely to carry out certain acts. At the bottom of the hierarchy are sex offenders.

They are the least respected and the most preyed upon. It does not matter the age of their victims. These people usually become victims of sexual abuses by other prisoners to experience what they put their victims through.

Usually when this is done a background check is conducted to gather as many facts as possible about the crime and efforts are made to re-enact the scene as similar as possible.

Also at the bottom of the hierarchy are the "snitches" or "rats. A "punk" is someone who is considered weak. A boy is someone who really has no place and is just used for whatever he has to offer.

They are also commonly referred to as "fuck-boys," since it's usually their sex that they are used for. A "turn-out" is someone who may or may not actually be gay, but they never had a homosexual experience outside of prison.

However, when they come to prison they engage in sexual activities, though usually under heavy persuasion in the beginning. In essence, "respect" is the ultimate key to survival in prison life.

He told his homeboy about what was going on and he's homeboy said he was going to protect me also but I had to pay. August 1, when the officer [C] open the door I walked out and told him I need to speak with rank that it was very important.

I told him what my cellie wanted me to do. So he left me there and got rank. He said for me to return to my cell and stand up and fight, because this was prison; if I didnt he would get a team and drag my ass back to my house.

When I refused, he told [C] to put me in the holding cage. I walked to the cage on my own and went in. When I told him I couldnt, he opened the cage door and told me to put the cuffs on.

There with him was [C], [B], and [V]. I told him if he was gonna force me that they needed to get the camera first. He kept telling me to put the cuffs on, but I refused, because of the risk.

So [P] told the officers to grab me. They grabbed me. Stunned me to the floor and began punching me in my head and kicking me in my ribs.

They put the handcuffs on and by that time I looked up and a officer had a camera. Purris ask me if I would get up on my own. I did. They took me to medical and brought me back to my cell.

When they put me back in my cell, I was crying for what they done. My cellie's homeboy that said he would protect me he came over to my cell when they ran rec.

My cellie was gone. He ask me what happen and what was I crying for. He ask me how I was going to pay him. I told him when I went to the store I would pay him.

But he said I want to fuck. I told him that I didnt do that. He said you remember what the deal we made. So I said but I dont do that kind of stuff.

So he kept saying he aint gonna take long. So he had me have anal sex with him. After that, my cellie came back from rec, he found out what his homeboy did and told me he wanted to do the same.

He also made me have anal sex. The next day the same officers were working and I was scared to tell them because of what they did before. My cellie told me that at last chow his homeboy wanted me to come over and stay all night in his cell.

So I waited until last chow. I went an ate, when I came back there was a officer walking with all the inmates.

So I let all the inmates go in and stop the officer and told him the problem. He took me to see Lt [T]. I told her what was going on, and needed to be locked up.

She told me the only way that I could get locked up was if I refused housing and I would receive a case. I said I didnt care, I just needed her help.

She sent me to lock up pre-hearing detention. There I was given 15 days solitary. I was pulled out and seen by Mrs.

I told my complaint and Mrs. I asked him how so, when I was raped plus inmates get stabbed each day. I wasnt answered.

They tried to make it look as if I was asking for a transfer and not protective custody. I was denied help and sent back to my cell.

I took 18 pills trying to overdose. I was sent to medical and put back in my cell. From then on I began geting cases everyday to stay in solitary.

Finally they got tired of me geting cases and refusing housing and placed me in segregation. Almost always as a passive partner.

The act of turning out usually implies that the man enjoys the sex now or will willingly continue to have sex with other men after the turn out.

People are turned out through rape, threats, con-games, pressure, aquiring debts or romance. A man who has been "turned out" usually becomes a queen or fag and is always a catcher.

There is literally thousands of mind games used to turn out, unsuspecting, naive young men. Within this catagory is a structure.

Queen because they are open about it and closest to being a woman. Fag, because they didn't become gay in prison.

Punk because he does it out of fear, for protection or as a victim. Appearance and sex appeal. A young good looking guy who's family sends him money is the choice target for rape.

Our cultural understanding of "the first time" is extremely gendered and heteronormative; women's first sexual experiences are often thought to be painful, and to create a lifelong obsession and attachment with the person with whom they "lose" their virginity.

And, of course, the patriarchy claims that women become damaged goods once it happens. On the other hand, men are often high-fived and considered to have "scored.

Blair tells Bustle. It's important to note that not everyone who has a penis is a man — and not all men have penises. But the concept of "virginity" is really based in the gender-binary and the experience of heterosexual, penis-in-vagina sex PIV.

So when the term "men" is used here, it's in reference to cisgender men. Assigned-male-at-birth AMAB people who don't identify as men may have similar experiences.

Svan 26, had sex for the first time with his "committed girlfriend of three months. While the act itself wasn't that great for either of us, I still look back on it and get the warm-and-fuzzies.

Pirates of the Caribbean played to cover up the noise. He says "the whole thing was a big letdown" because he built up "losing it" to a point that was unrealistic.

I tried breathing heavier because that's what I saw in porn — that turned out to make me hyperventilate.

Marc, 38, had his first time was with someone he met online. He was still in college and closeted at the time. He was nervous, excited, wanted to get it over with, and "felt a sense of breaking free.

Dione, 29, had a "meh" first time, which he says is because it's hard to be gay a "middle-class family. What won't teens do out of horniness.

Mike, 37, says he kind of had two "first times. And it was a disaster, from the too-small condom, to him "poking her a few times," to giving up because it hurt his girlfriend too much.

I hope it didn't cause any problems for her later on. Then we talked about it. I verbalized my anxieties about size and performance and the second time was amazing.

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